Those Words shared by My Father Which Rescued Us during my time as a New Father

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of being a father.

Yet the truth quickly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need assistance. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a broader failure to communicate between men, who often absorb damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a sign of being weak to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to take a pause - taking a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."