Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan
Late-night's top hosts used the broadcast criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration initiative, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-for-access arrangement for the rich.
The Late Show's Pointed Spin
Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday song targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... spoils all he handles."
Colbert's target was the controversial program that enables international nationals to buy U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for 5 million. A government page promises processing "with unprecedented speed."
"A brief message here to wealthy immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He pointed out that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, with large payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get two free nights at a property of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.
"The best screening the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely qualify to be in America."
"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"This is a card that will permit wealthy foreigners to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.
Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."
"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns
On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll ratings during economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.
Recently, in a attempt to address cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of food items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."
"He's so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative media defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.
